LEANDRO JAMES V. DELA CRUZ - 11GAS PERSEVERANCE

The shard of the broken porcelain vases that were once treasured reach my feet and cut my skin. it makes me bleed. it prickles. but the pain is bearable. and i never tell anyone about this. not because i’m terrified that it’ll make them worry. but because i know that they’re busy with their own despair.

So i never tell anyone about what lies behind the band aid on my feet. as i understand that people are often busy running along with their own world. stitching their broken hearts to become full again. hushing their tears and their endless pain. after all, they never even asked me if i was doing fine. as my existence in this world doesn’t even flicker like a firefly. oh heavens, i never wished to be born.

ME AND  THE PEOPLE AROUND 

ALL ABOUT ME

Wassup I am Leandro James V. Dela Cruz, born June 24, and studying at St. Francis National High School in Limay Bataan as a grade 11 student, I am 16 years old I am improving my studies for the future, and for my family even I'm not smart, 

I want to help my father with his illness and in our current situation, especially since my mother is no longer here.

 I have many dreams in life, for me I will put my parents first before myself, 

I have too many problems, but I keep it myself 

I don't talk about the problems I have because I feel like I'm only making them suffer

I don't know how I got to this point every day but that's fine.

I have a lot of obsessions too!

Moon

Sunrise

Sunset

also all about the universe 

     

      

  and music is my therapy.

When I was 10, I was always alone, quiet, and shy. I was called an introvert, but that's fine, and I've got anxiety, I've always worn a hat even when there is no sun.  I used a hat to cover my eyes because I felt like they were looking at me and angry I overthought a single thing like "Why are they looking at me what did I do? Do I look bad that much?" 

I wondered about a quiet place, I wanted to be in a quiet place, 

I usually wondered at the end of Judy's Park  because that's the only place I can go,  

I feel comfortable, I talk to myself and question myself!

i like books, manga, anime, games, and the sound of the rain.

even though the rain doesn't cease the pain that sewed into the root of my being, in some way deep inside me, it consoles the child that was longing to be seen and heard for so long. 

The rain somehow made me feel the ease. 

It reminds me that I'm not alone in silence bursting into tears. 

That is somehow pours it's heart too whenever it feels the weight of the burden it carries. 

That somehow it's fine to become feeble and shed tears. And it will never be a taboo.   

The People Around Me

My Family

 My parents are the only ones who give color to my life and give us hope and joy, they are the ones who know who or what we are, they are always there for us, and they are the ones who sacrificed to take care of us, raise us, when they are there i feel comfortable and happy. 

My parents never knew i was a good kid. they didn't know i had dreams, accomplishment, or that i'm a soft-hearted person who can't say no to others. they saw me as a bad child who only cared about myself. but they didn't know that i feel sad when i see elderly people working under the hot sun. they didn't realize i get upset when i see street vendors struggling to make sales. and that it makes me nostalgic and sad whenever i watch happy kids playing, as i wish i could be a child again.

they didn't know that i'm a very sad person who just wants to be noticed and understood. i carry a constant ache in my heart, feeling adrift and carrying a heavy burden that no one else understands. as time goes by, the gap between us grows. they keep thinking of me in a certain way, not realizing that i cry alone. i long for their understanding and support, but it feels like a distant dream.

at night, i find comfort in the stars because they are the only ones who see my silent sadness. they remind me that in the vast universe, i'm just a small part, seeking a connection that seems out of reach. so, i continue, like a shadow in their lives, my true self hidden in the dark. maybe one day, they'll see how much i'm hurting, but for now, i bear this sadness in silence, like a sad song that no one hears.

  My father is a welder, he has been working all his life, he does everything and works hard to support us, our father is the only one we have, he gives everything for us and he will do everything for us so that's the that's why i really like my father he's the best father for me.

My mother was an OFW who worked as a helper, she was a caring and considerate mother, that's all I remember because she was gone early, she got cancer in a foreign country, it got worse, and when she came back to the Philippines, her cancer was stage 4 and it got really bad we lost hopes, even if it's just a short time I was with him, i'm happy to have her.

We are 7 siblings, two of them are different father, I'm the youngest, my siblings and I are not very close, but even so, we understand each other, the oldest of us siblings is married, i care about them even i'm not strong or smart I love all my siblings i hide it to them because maybe we're not close enough and some other reasons. 

                                                                                  My Friends

I only have a few friends because im shy almost all my friend are just my classmate, but that's fine, they're fun to be with, even if there's a problem we're keep smiling we're together in everything sometimes we're far apart but in our hearts we are one even if it's silly, we'll always be together.

\

My cousin is really my best friend 

because he's always there when I had a bad day, 

we get along in everything, smile, laugh, and cry, 

we know each other so I know when he is lying... 

when he's lying his nose getting bigger, 

and there is a problem even though we are still happy.

               

  The rest of my friends can't talk to them because they moved school or house and they have a lot to do so sometimes I don't want to bother them even if I don't talk to them for a long time I won't forget them im so grateful to be with them i am so happy if i was with them my friend would never end.i have current friend this school year we're not talk anymore or sometimes i know they are hate me i choose shelfish desicion  and i'm not good enough and good friend, even we're not talking i'll still call them friends.

"some memories never leave your bones. like salt in the sea; they become part of you. and carry them."

 My Current "Life"

by: James Dela Cruz

Falling from darkness to a place I don't know,
Everything's moving with no place to go.
I feel so alone and scared.
As I fall, I wonder, "Is anyone there?"

As the days and nights pass right by,
I count the nights; I just lay and cry.
Falling from faith, falling from love,
Please, is there anyone up above?

Never did I want to feel like this
When the answer lies with the slit of the wrist.
My mind is racing to find another solution
Before it's too late and I'm just an illusion.

No one knows how I really feel.
I just want him to hold me and help me heal.
As I fall, I feel the rain.
I begin to think that maybe he isn't the key to ease my pain.

    These past few days, my soul silently keeps shattering. with just a few scathing words from people’s tongues and i can already see how my skin hurriedly begins to cripple; it cracks like a frail glass. the wind hurts by just passing by; it sends me pain whenever it touches even just the tip of my hair. i guess, even a slight bump will unfortunately dispatch me into smoke and dust.

    I became fragile for a while. and these days were one of my phases where i only yearned to sleep. and let the day do its errands like nothing happened. like i am not a part of this world. that my existence wasn’t once walked this land. that i am an exception to its things. and i am not one of its concerns.

    But behind the curtains. with the empty cans of soda i had in my bed. with the crumpled papers that almost entered my bathroom door. with my table crammed with ripped pages and paintbrushes. with my hair styled like a nest of a bird. and my body that’s glued to my cozy mattress. i quietly kept my broken pieces near. because i know that one of these days, i will wake up with the bravery to pick myself up. still holding some sadness but with a pocket full of courage without any penny of doubt and fear, today’s not my day, but i shall rise again.